


Catslash

by asparagusmama



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: M/M, Seventh Doctor's pov, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-15
Updated: 2011-05-15
Packaged: 2017-10-19 10:26:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asparagusmama/pseuds/asparagusmama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some thoughts of the Doctor during Survival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catslash

**Author's Note:**

> Dr. Who belongs to the BBC
> 
> Wrote this in 1997. Two scenes missing but I can't remember where I was going so don't ask me to complete!

CATSLASH

 

TWO

He’s circling me, eyes mesmerising me. It’s no good to look away. I can still feel his eyes: calculating, menacing, sexual, dangerous, predatorial… and loving. I can see that, I can feel that. I can no longer it deny to myself, in myself. It’s all to easy to slip back into old, old habits, to open my mind to his, as if all those centuries were but a beat of a butterfly’s wings. My pulses race, my hearts beat too fast. Too fast, everything is moving far too quickly for me. I tried to escape him, his mind link, but here I am listening to him explain as he circles me. It’s me, not him. Mesmerised, not hypnotised, not controlled. I want this, to be here with him. I want, I want… Oh God but I do want to feel him, his touch, his skin on mine, his lips on mine again. I mustn’t, mustn’t! There’s Ace to consider. Ace! And the other humans. I must control my emotions, I must… Obey.

I look back up, my hearts fluttering. He knows, I can see it in his eyes. They’ve softened, the love is shining. I ask him what he wants of me, why has he brought me here. Not as prey, surely not as prey? No, his eyes are gentle, more gentle than I remember. He needs my help. Is he just using me? Is the tenderness in his eyes just another calculation? Oh! I’m so confused. He says he needs my help and my hearts each skip a beat, I forget to breath.  
I’m supposed to demand why, deny help. How long we’ve played these games. But I’ve forgotten the rules, only remember the older games of our youth, of Gallifrey. He’s still advancing on me, waiting for a reply, but all I do is lower my head and avoid his eyes. I say nothing of help, but open my mind to possibilities… Old, old games.  
Is he angry? He’s grabbed my tie, choking me, making me look at him. Dark, dark eyes surprised at what he sees, rejoicing at what he sees. He’s hurting me but I don’t recoil, don’t fight. I mouth the words at him. Not that I need to, he’s in my mind completely, I’ve opened myself to him fully. Mind games of old. Still tightening his grip on my throat he does as I ask.

Dizzy. The entire universe is spinning, out of control. I’m out of control. His tongue slides into my mouth as he continues to strangle me but still I open myself, mind and body. He’s peeling back layer after layer of my mind, looking for devious tricks. There are none. This is all I want. He is trapped here, needs my help. We are trapped here. Together. Both Time Lords.

I bring both my hands up to his heartswidth just as he is releasing my neck, allowing me to return the kiss. His hands run down my back sliding into my clothes and all I do is just cling to him, drowning in wave after wave of sensation.

He pulls away from the kiss, smiling down at me. So small now. I’m annoyed, I don’t want this to stop. He laughs, and in my mind he calls to me, using my name, the name that no-one has used in centuries. He grabs my arm roughly while I’m still reeling from the tender use of my name. That and a dozen unique Gallifreyan words. Musical. Loving. Teasing. He’s pulling me up the slope. How can this be happening? Why am I letting it? I’m out of control, totally out of control. He spins us round, violently slamming me against the ancient wall of the Cheetah ruin. I’m frightened, this is too fast. He has me pinned to this wall, laughing. I’m frightened, aroused, utterly at his mercy. I knew this would happen, that one day he would have me completely defenceless, needing, wanting his touch. Not just his psychic touch, but physically needing, wanting, aroused…

His hands tight against my wrists pressed to the wall, his eyes locked on mine. I must look away, I try to look away, I will not obey, but I fall into his mind. Darkness, madness, a well of loneliness, but not needing. Not needing as I do, not craving this as I am. Perhaps? He is completely in my mind, penetrating deeper with a burning brightness, but I am only allowed a glimpse of his. I know this of old, I know he’s showing me part, allowing only limited touch. I’ve done this, but never with another Time Lord, never with him. I want more.

He’s hurting me so much, such force to press me against the wall I utter a cry. I can’t help myself. He laughs.

“You do want this?”

And there is wonder in his voice, he’s in my mind but he can’t quite believe what he can see, what he’s feeling. This has surprised him too. Perhaps even frightens him more than me, but he won’t show me his fear. Afraid of the power he has over me? Again. Once more. But he only has that power and control because I’ve given it back to him, and right now I never want it returned. I’ll be his for eternity. My brother.

My Master.

He’s kissing me again. I never want this to stop. I’ve so much longing, so much need. His hands inside my clothes again. He’s pressing me, grinding me to this wall and, God help me, I want more. Don’t stop, don’t ever stop this…  
Everything is spinning, he’s in complete control. It’s no longer that I’m out of control, but he’s taken control of me, mind and body. I’m aware he has us on the ground, but what else I don’t know. He’s hurting me as he’s caressing me but I don’t care. I’m no longer frightened because this is where I belong. Love, arousal, pain. This is what it is with him. No guilt, no guilt…

This is what I want. I’ve forgotten Ace, forgotten the others, the immature ephemerals. All I care about is his lips on mine, his body on mine. Oh God! All I want is him inside me. Here, on this dying planet. Now. Oh God!

I never want this to stop again. I can’t even remember why I left him. He’s letting me in his mind, showing me equal love, equal need. No, not equal, overpoweringly superior. He’s inside me now, body and mind, sharing mental caresses even as he violates my body with more pain, more than enough to make me cry out. Again. My eyes are closed now, all I see are the colours of our minds. Such brightness. Oh God! Koschei! God help me! I mustn’t let him do this to me. Not again.

Oh! But he’s irresistible. This is irresistible. If I have a rational thought left in my head it is this: how do I get us away from here? I’ve no sense of responsibility left for those humans at all. Those humans? One of those humans is Ace. What am I doing?

But I can’t stop this now, even if I wanted to. How can I? I’m his, utterly completely his. I’m never, ever going to leave him again.

Suddenly he’s pulled away from me, standing up and straightening his clothes. He’s locked part of his mind away, shutting me out for privacy. I’m reeling with rejection and frustration, so it takes me a moment to realise I’m not shut out. The unique link of lovers remains, fully re-established. Frightened again I realise he is suffering, struggling for control, fighting for possession…

Dizzy, disorientated, I pull myself up to my feet and try to get some order into my dishevelled appearance. In a futile attempt to re-orientate myself I fumble about finding hat and umbrella. When I walk back up to him I’m desperate to say something, anything, to prove to myself as much as him that I’m in control. All I can do is state the obvious.

 

 

FOUR

I move toward him slowly, seductive, my eyes locked on his. I am his, utterly. He knows but chooses to ignore. When could I ever keep anything from him? He’s locked me out of his mind, but I know he’s in mine, he always is. I can’t feel his presence, but I know he’s listening. He always is. How can I make him hear?

He’s circling me now, predatorily, dangerous. Good hunting? But is he hunting for prey or mate? Do I care? As long as I’m his. Again. I can’t take my eyes off him, nor do I want to. When his eyes slide away from mine I panic. I want the contact. I need it. What is he thinking now?

Am I frightened yet? I deny it but I am. This is an old, old game. So are my feelings, my responses to him. Frightened, aroused, hurt, confused, guilty, in love. Totally in love, completely his. I am frightened, frightened by the strength of my own love for him. Am I his prey or his mate? Still circling me, closer all the time.

No. I shake my head as he pounces. I cry out as his hands are again at my throat. He pushes me back and I cry out again as we fall into interstistial nothing. Here we are now back on the Cheetah planet and I’m on my back totally defenceless, at his mercy. My fear is no longer a game, the fog of confusion momentarily lifts from my mind. I am prey. He’s going to kill me. I never truly believed he would. I thought my death was second best to his possession of me. He knows I’m his, he must know my love for him is again all consuming. This possession - this transformation cannot have affected him thus? He is the strongest psychic I’ve ever encountered. He must know I am his, utterly his, defenceless. He can take me or destroy me, I won’t stop loving him. I can’t, even if I wanted to, it’s beyond my control.

Oh! But rather be with him, at his side, than Death. I would gladly remain here, his consort, his lover. Better we both leave. I can help him, free him of this curse. He must know that is in my power. We must leave.  
Suddenly I can feel it. It is a power, an animal strength, seductive in its violence. I’m fighting back, digging new claws, snarling as I do so, over-powering him physically as I never have before, not like this, not when I’m not sure if he is playing our old, old games or in deadly earnest.

What am I doing? Allowing this planet to possess me? How can I free him if he is as affected as me? We have to leave, we must leave. I’m pleading with him. Why won’t he listen? Could it be he really isn’t in my mind, that he cannot hear? Is he that affected..? After nine centuries, his psi-touch can’t have left me. It can’t! How am I to cope..?

Oh God! He’s grabbed me again, he’s hurting me again, but I don’t care. I don’t care, I’m utterly his. He can take me or kill me, but I will never leave, never fight him again. My love for him is an all-consuming fire. I have no control, it’s burning me. I’m so frightened by the intensity. He can kill me or take me as the animal he’s becoming, either is better than being without him, for I never want to be apart from him again. I love him too much.

Oh! But I am afraid of death. I want to be with him. If he won’t leave, then here. Consort, lover, if transformation is the way of things, then mate. I am scared to die. I hear his laugh, in my mind he is laughing. Suddenly I am aware of his presence, brightness and dark. He is listening. He does know I am completely his, his willing slave. Does he no longer love me? Isn’t my death second best?

God! He is going to kill me. He is almost completely Cheetah. He must hear me, he must… If we fight like animals then we die like animals… And my conscious mind does not acknowledge his verbal thought: Go home Theta…

If we fight like animals then we die like animals!

Concrete. Earth. The TARDIS. Home. I’m home! Now I do remember his last thought to me: Go home Theta. So, after eight centuries he decided he didn’t want to kill me, or to take me back. He’s been chasing me so long… Oh! But I would have stayed with him forever. Forever! Koschei, my Master…

 

 

AND FINALLY, THE EPILOGUE

“I can smell it on you, you bastard!”

“That will pass,” the Doctor replied tartly and went into the TARDIS. Ace followed with a sour, angry, confused expression on her face.

“Professor?” she began.

“What now?” he snapped.

“Did you really - ?”

“Does it matter?”

“To me.”

“All right then, if you must know, I did. I’m not proud of it, but I did.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Anything else?”

Ace stared at him, lost for words, confused, shocked, let down, disgusted. Over the past few hours her entire view of the Doctor had altered. Like her view of her own mother after her Dad’s death. Like her mother, he was a slag?! This was why she needed to clarify, to understand, to hurt… Eventually she said, “I’m sorry.”

He was leaning on the console, arms folded, watching her. “What for?” He raised an eyebrow. “I quite enjoyed it.”  
Blinking back tears, Ace stormed out of the console room.


End file.
